Minutes of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society Poohsticks and Elevenses Meeting, held on the 15th March 2003 on Poohsticks Bridge and in 1, 3 Selwyn Gardens

Take one:

Present: Alison, Naath, Dunstan, Rosy, (Owen, Roz)


  1. Meeting opened.

  2. Owen and Roz arrive. Owen opens another meeting.

  3. The Secretary and Under Secretary act swiftly. A motion to close this meeting is proposed, seconded, and...

  4. Meeting closed. (Phew, no parallel minuting this week.)

Take two:

Present: Alison, Naath, Dunstan, Rosy, Owen, Roz, Martin, Rachel, Katie, Neil.

Apologies: John-h, Jenny, Rosie


  1. Meeting opened.

  2. Naath sets off to buy cake. But returns empty handed.

  3. Alison goes to buy drinks.

  4. Naath the human voodoo doll. Weíll stick pins in her and see if anyone screams. Naath perhaps?

  5. 1980s TV

  6. Balls and Events. Advertising standards?

  7. Poohsticks is a Radical Science Event. Passed.

  8. Your standing apology has expired. Would you like to renew it?

  9. Neilís not here. Is he still shut in Rachelís shower?

  10. Katie met both of Roz.

  11. Our fame goes before us. Or perhaps under us.

  12. A man with a levitating ladder. Passed.

  13. Addition to the rules of Poohsticks: Donít try to play with the minutes, they donít qualify as a stick (aww, go on, theyíre made from trees... OK so the biro wasnít, but you canít have everything.)

  14. Roz will commiserate with Alison "later" in the privacy of Owenís room.

  15. Roz has to observe those geese: Passed

  16. Under the bridge there is a goblin which ties lead weights to Alisonís sticks.

  17. Roz will dance to Owenís: Passed

  18. The Cam mutates sticks so that they sink.

  19. A permanent post.

  20. Owen is suffering an identity crisis. Is he a man or a bicycle?

  21. Votes to commend the Scottish chap at the council for ensuring that the little traffic light men have green noses to go with their green suits as well as red ones to go with their red suits, so that they can join in with Comic Relief without causing confusion and mortality amongst the pedestrians of Cambridge: Passed

  22. Votes to censure the bicycle for not being in the bicycle lane, but instead in the bicycle shed.

  23. Katie doesnít understand. (Itís OK, nor do the rest of us)

  24. Hurray! Itís the Samovar (Samowar?) (big Russian-style tea thing)

  25. Alien hybrid Poohs and Tiggers.

  26. Cryptic Roo Juice messages.

  27. Biscuit hustings (wrapped, chocolate coated):

  28. Classic, Penguin, Viscount

  29. Viscounts: an investment for the future.

  30. Rachel is late. And Late.

  31. Jesuans are taking over, but arenít Jesuits.

  32. We should make Neil a Probationary Martyr: Passed

  33. We shouldnít cover members of the Society in Chocolate.

  34. Votes to censure Rachel for being Late: Passed

  35. Votes to censure John-h for not enclosing Clause 57 in the minutes.

  36. Minutes of the meeting on 8th March 2003 read by Owen, Alison, Rosy, Roz, Rachel C and Dunstan.

  37. Votes to censure the minuter. Carried.

  38. Rachel always causes chaos.

  39. Votes to censure John-h for not putting the right minute in minute 118. Carried

  40. The meeting: Carried

  41. No-one wants to let Neil in. Passed. But heís got in already, so no one needs to.

  42. Rachel C has to come back with a map (an inaccurate map) of how to get to the loo.

  43. Neil needs a penguin.

  44. Roz thinks that Neil needs a penguin to practice on.

  45. Neil canít stop Maths debating in meetings. Heís trying to involve Martin. They discuss screwing.

  46. Is it sticky?

  47. Neil, have you still got that form?

  48. Iíve brought it with me. (Small pause) Iím on form today.

  49. T-shirts.

  50. Mathematician is a very dangerous word.

  51. When Ecstatic wears that hat he looks like Nelson.

  52. Votes to make Dunstan Hardy. Passed.

  53. When heís got the hat on that way round heís Beef Wellington.

  54. Ecstatic has to:
    Have an eye put out.
    Have an arm cut off.
    Have an affair with an adulterous woman (and her husband).
    Get shot.
    Kiss Hardy.
    Die.
    Get pickled.
    And Get an enormous column

  55. Naath will erect it.

  56. Votes to shoot Martin: Passed

  57. Neil secretes bullets. How fast he does this depends on whether he is under threat.

  58. Roz shoots Naath.

  59. They need to breathe into a paper bag.

  60. Plastic: Passed

  61. Votes to make Neil the Society Treasure. Failed

  62. I donít want to know what disappears between Naathís legs. (Owen)
    Seconded - But if itís been minuted Iíll withdraw (Alison)

  63. Neil stands corrected.

  64. Owenís lost his touch.

  65. Our house name is "Neil Roques"

  66. Weíll have to scaffold this conversation if it gets any dodgier.

  67. Silence - Samovar noises.

  68. Roz passes Martin a pair of handcuffs, heís really enjoying them.

  69. In order to bolster the account, we will go around robbing banks. Passed. Vetoed.

  70. Weíll invest a bolster instead.

  71. Padding the accounts sounds worryingly Enron (or maybe itís just a fabrication).

  72. Roz is going to shoot herself in a minute. Hung. CR against.

  73. Roz was thinking about what would happen if someone in an alternate reality replaced the unloaded, plastic gun with a real, loaded one. Probably if someone in that sort of reality has it in for you youíve had it.

  74. Biscuit vote:
    Classic: 4
    Penguin: 2
    Viscount: 4
    Hung, revote between Classic and Viscount
    Classic: 5
    Viscount: 6
    Viscounts win

  75. Whenever you find a splodge itís never as good as you imagined.

  76. Soggy logs are not good wood.

  77. More SCARY LAUGHTER from Rachel C and Naath. Various theories as to why.

  78. Votes to censure Rachel C for trying to give everyone else in the house a headache. Passed

  79. If you put the bullet in Owenís body it changes the map.

  80. "Thereís nothing between Alison and me" Owen

  81. Votes to censure Neil for taking over the minutes: Passed

  82. Votes to censure the Under Secretary for failing to rescue the Minutes in their moment of need. Carried

  83. It is the job of the Treasurer to add things.

  84. Votes to censure Neil for old timesí sake. Passed

  85. I hope you would be decent with me all the time. (Alison to Neil)

  86. Votes to censure all the Coastguards for not providing all the testaments. Hung CR decides For.

  87. Votes to censure Alison (as Coastguard) for misuse of the Society Testaments. Carried.

  88. Rachel and Rosie must be twins as Roz has only done it once.

  89. Hello. Iím selling double glazing salesmen.

  90. Alisonís got some protector things for the testaments.

  91. Katie has to look over Rozís shoulder. Hung CR Against.

  92. Weíll narrate clockwise, but Alison will narrate anticlockwise.
    (At which point I went to dinner, leaving the minuting to the Under-Secretary: there should be more minutes somewhere!)

  93. Alison kicks Martin repeatedly for not getting up.

  94. Votes to close: Passed

  95. Naathís mother wonít bring her up on Easter Sunday, she gives her up for lent.

  96. Votes to censure Roz for shooting a member of the society: Passed

  97. We donít what to know what Martin has against Alison and Rozís trousers.

  98. Another premature discharge.

  99. "Iím tired Owen, Do I have to do anything tonight? You can play by yourself." Roz

  100. "I donít have pooh on my head usually- just a shelf" Owen

  101. Owen and Dunstan get comfy on Owenís bed as Dunstanís has springs coming out of it.

  102. We plan to make money for the society by selling "Dunstanís naturally sparkling water"

  103. "I donít want to know about Dunstanís experience with penguins" Owen

  104. We decide to dip Neil in chocolate and sell him.


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