Report to the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society Analysing the Members of the Aforementioned Society Present at the Society Meeting in I Library Court, 1, Jesus College, Cambridge on 1st March 2003 and Deducing Whether these Members are Differentiable and at Which Points this is the Case.

J.K. Holdforth
Dip.COT, MBAOT, CSCT Level 2 Certificate in Counselling Skills, CSCT Trainee Adv. Dip. Counselling - Integrative

May I begin by thanking you all for the dubious dishonour of compiling this report and sending my commiserations in advance for the presentation of the same at your current meeting.

There was a preponderance of black footwear with a smattering of brown, black-and-white and an indecipherable colour which is indicative of a lack of differentiability in the meeting.

Due to the Minute Writer’s reference to *.*.*. (of which from a materials lecture is referred to as an inebriation), I suggest you all take care not to hold her up in `awe’!

Unbiased reporting is particularly difficult due to the psychological trauma of the author undergoing the kidnapping of her Baby by Rabbit; thus interrupting the normal state of differential between mother and child. Whereas Piglet bathing is non-differentiable because the bathing was not continuous (thank goodness as the water was freezing cold) or smooth (Piglet was shivering alarmingly).

As there were four more ear holes than ears, one can deduce that at the most, four people had one pierced ear each or at least one person had a quadruple pierced ear.

There were considerably more mugs, in I Library Court 1, during the meeting than before or after which I believe says everything, and nothing, sensible about the attendees.

I expect the propensity for the Chair to hit her head on the floor was due to having two legs instead of four, which markedly aid stability when one is a chair, and lessen or increase the differential accordingly.

Censuring is obviously lacking in tremendous importance as a certain group Member remained uncensured for censurable and censorable remarks that I deduce were in a minority throughout the meeting (censorable remarks that is). Perhaps an old Post would have permitted this person to have been made whiter-than-white when bathed.

The hidden talents of the Eighteenth Century Blouse-Wearer should be exposed at a future meeting by the aforesaid reciting a poem, which will enable him to reach his full potential as a blouse wearer.

The choral talents of an uncensured group Member were most definitely differential, although an alternatively worded version would have made the rendition infinitely more silly; as the tea tray could have been useful (or useless) during the meeting!

The abundance of Mathematical materials at the meeting was multiplied by the hexagonal boot eyelets on a guest’s footwear and the triangular earrings of the Minute Writer; which will undoubtedly detract from the latter’s PhD studies.

22 members of the society were observed as being naturally timeless due to the lack of wrist worn time pieces. I admit I am at sixes-and-sevens about pairs of glasses, or at dozens-and-fourteens about glasses, as these were variable as to whether the Testaments and/or Minutes were being read at the time.

Due to the Human Rights and Data Protection Acts, I have found there to be no restrictions on writing this report; either due to the lack of Humans or the insanity of the Society. This report illustrates that psychological analysis is worthless at this juncture and counselling only of use when desirable by the participants (both counsellees and counsellor).


In summing up the report and calculating the conclusion; I conclude that insanity is in abundance giving immeasurable hope to the present and future existence of life in general and of life in particular. Therefore the members are differentiable in the attitude of their mathematical and non-mathematical minds at functionally different points. I trust this report will be utterly useless in its analysis of the above mentioned society, and improve beyond all recognition the insanity of the members.

PCWtPS Archives & Website Mar. 2003

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