The Secretary,
Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society,
Pembroke College,
Cambridge CB2 1RF.
Mr. Christian Timms,
Services Officer,
Cambriidge University Students Union,
11/12 Trumpington Street,
Cambridge.
Dear Mr. Timms,
I write in my capacity as Secretary of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society, a society of which you may well be aware due to our recent television, radio and newspaper coverage. We would like to send our greetings to you, and humbly request the answers to a few small questions.
The first of these involves your rôle as Services Officer. Since your remit is to administer CUSU's services to the students of the University (as we understand it - and please correct us should we be wrong), and since the Poohsoc's members are almost without exception members of the University and many of them undergraduate students who fall within your remit, we wondered exactly what services the Poohsoc might expect from you as a Society?
Should the fact that we are a College Society and not a University one be preventative of your acting in this matter, it occurred to us that you seem to be around Pembroke a lot and that a little bird whispered to us that you're something in the Pembroke GradPad these days also. Since a number of members of the Society (three at the moment I think) are graduate students of Pembroke College, we wondered what we might be able to sting you for that way?
Of course, you are also President of the Spanish Inquisition, but since this is an office with no specific duties, all of which you have become famous for fulfilling to the letter, we feel that there is nothing to be got from you there.
Finally, I should make clear that in all these questions, the Society's concern has been greatest on one point especially: are you, by virtue of any of your offices, obliged to provide us with hunny sandwiches? If not, would you like to anyway? We should of course be glad to see you at any of our meetings (as long as you are able to bring a mug), but a visitor with hunny sandwiches is a rare thing indeed and might lead us to abandon any scruples we had about voting for you in whatever you're standing for these days. We hope to see you, and I am, on behalf of the Society, yours sincerely,
(JONATHAN JARRETT)