Dear Sir,
Following a recent meeting of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society in which there was much discussion of the tragic death of Helen Daniels, which coincidentally was also the topic of much debate in the editorial of the Cambridge University newspaper, we became rather perplexed at a serious issue which we have been unable to answer. For as long as we can remember, Joy Chambers has popped up on an almost annual basis to play Rosemary Daniels for two or three episodes at a time. And then disappears not to be heard of for ages. What does the poor lady (Miss Chambers) do whilst Miss Daniels is in New York? Does she go with her? Needless to say, as we all have exams in the next month, there are slightly more pressing issues to be considered, such as Popper’s falsificationist arguments, so we should be very grateful if you could clear up this problem as quickly as possible, so we can get on with our work, and stop worrying about poor Miss Chambers. Because as she has not appeared in Prisoner (Cell Block H), Home & Away, Flying Doctors or a Country Practice, as all Australian actors seem to at some point in their careers, we can only assume that she is left destitute and penniless, roaming the streets of Melbourne on the 360 days of the year during which she does not appear in Neighbours. If this is the case, may we suggest that you either extend her rôle, or let her make tea and sandwiches for the crew, or something. Perhaps she could hold the clapper board if you still use them. Or crank the machine that rolls the credits if it isn’t all computerised, and if it is then let her push the button that rolls the credits. I’m sure she’d appreciate it.
Anyway, many thanks for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you shortly.
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Henry C.S. Pipe