Minutes of the Elevenses Meeting and Cake Match of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society held on the 21st March 1998 in Stephen’s room, 2 Selwyn Gardens.

Present: Ben, Yasmin, Stephen
Apologies: None.

1. We are most shocked at the attendance- we were at least expecting the James and Vicky to turn up, even though it is a week and a half after term ends, if we can be here, why can’t they? It then transpires we actually forgot to tell Vicky.
   


2. Due to a slight miscalculation of numbers, we have to eat: 10 Doughnuts, 12 Hot Cross Buns, and 1 Stripy Cake (really a small angel cake, but Yasmin renames it) .
   


3. Correction: Scoreflash- the number of donuts has already decreased by 4. We were hungry after the long trek to Selwyn gardens… More as it happens!
   


4. Could I just interject at this point by once again remarking on the stupidity of the Microsoft Word spell-checker. After having to teach it to spell Winnie-the-Pooh correctly, it now wants to make "Yasmin" into "Yams." Cretinous piece of software.
   


5. We vote to censure Cambridge generally as being nasty, and especially everyone in Cambridge who hasn’t come to the meeting, as they were particularly Rude and Unhelpful. For: 3 Against: 0 Abs: 0. Motion carried.
   


6. Ben notices Yasmin’s trousers for the first time, despite wandering around all afternoon. He then tries to see if the Teapot sucks as well as blows (the reader of the minutes should pause here whilst someone makes the obligatory innuendo), but only succeeds in getting his leg hot and wet.
   


7. The latest score just in: Poohsoc - 5 Donuts, Assorted Confectionery- the rest. Things look desperate for Poohsoc. Nevertheless, we grit our teeth, carry on, and try to keep in formation.
   


8. We discuss the correct cooking method for hot cross buns.
   


9. Yasmin lies. She now claims to have six assignments, not five, to do. She narrowly escapes censure for such a blatant whopper.
   


10. Stephen plays with his toaster. He once set the fire alarm off at five in the morning by doing exactly the same thing. We await the sirens with dread.
    


11. Even though he will soon (hopefully) become Dr Caterall from Glasgow, he still can’t work out how to use a toaster correctly.
    


12. We decide, for some reason, that Cold Cross buns are nice.
    


13. Ben insults Homerton College, but for some reason these insults are lost in the wave of Euphoria which we feel when we realise that the score is now Poohsoc: 5 Donuts, 3 Cross Buns, Assorted Confectionery: The rest. Still not a good scoreline, but better. We’ll be back for more news at half-time, but now we’ll show some tediously boring sporting event because the BBC haven’t got enough money to show decent ones…
    


14. We discuss freezing the stripy cake. Besides that being silly, it would surely be at the very least a Bookable Offence, and we really can’t afford to have anyone sent off this early in the match.
    


15. At this point, we decide that Sainsbury’s have gone just too far. We decide to renew the correspondence we started with the Meat Manager last year, for which he was censured for referring to the Disney version of Pooh. The reason for this new correspondence: we have noticed that the hot cross buns are neither hot, nor particularly cross, and the packaging is all lies. We instantly draft a letter. A copy of this letter should be provided in the archives of the society.
    


16. Halfway through this letter, the Doorbell is rung. We believe it to be James. As the door to the room opens, it is  James, dragging a newcomer but Friend of Pooh, Henry, with him. Henry seems to be wearing a strange flasher’s coat.
    


17. The half-time score is as before, although Poohsoc is now buoyed by fresh mouths. We begin to sense that we may be able to turn this thing around, although the team talk at half time will be critical.
    


18. Ben leaves in search of more mugs, and James takes over the minuting. The conversation skips lightly over topics such as Stephen’s huge collection of maps, and then deliquesces into Disney.
    


19. I will have to concede that this probably did happen, although I don’t know what deliquesces is, except a Jewish shop that sells salt beef, and pickled herring, and olives, and lots of meaty stuff at very high prices.
    


20. Ben finds no mugs, because the kitchen, wherein the mugs were situated, was itself hiding. Stephen then manages to track down this kitchen. It’s probably in one of his maps.
    


21. We vote to censure Henry for telling James to hit Ben. F:1 A: 3 Abs: 0. Henry escapes lightly.
    


22. Shock constitutional challenge. The James, for only the second time as far as anyone can remember in the long history of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society, failed to abstain on the last vote. We punish him in the only way we know how. Vote to censure James- F: 2 A:0 Abs:2. The James is duly repentant.
    


23. We vote to allow Henry to vote for the duration of the meeting. F: 2 A:1 Abs :1. Carried
    


24. We vote to thank Granny for thoughtfully leaving us the Stripy cake, even though he isn’t here. F: 3 A:1 Abs: 0. Granny is thanked by the Society.
    


25. We vote to stop voting for a while. F:1 A:2 Abs:2. Failed. We then vote to censure Stephen for even daring to suggest taking away our rights!. F:2 A:2 Abs:1. Carried.
    


26. The reading is "In Which Rabbit has a busy day."
    


27. We vote to censure Henry for making the sacrilegious suggestion censuring AA Milne for innuendo. F:3 A:0 Abs:2
    


28. Mr. Shepherd (blessings be on his great name) forgot to draw the violets which Piglet was holding. James, however, explains that this is artistic and classical, and should be on a Greek vase. A long debate ensues.
    


29. Approaching full time, with only seconds left, the atmosphere here at Selwyn Gardens is tense. The latest score is Poohsoc 8, 5/6 of a Stripy cake, and 4 buns-of-whatever-variety-they-are. Assorted Confectionery: The rest. It looks like the Buns have won.
    


30. But they’re wrong- The stripy cake gets eaten rapidly. At almost the same time, in a shock decision by a passing Russian Linesman, one bun is ruled offside; another donut is rapidly consumed, we just need to get rid of one more bun and a donut.
    


31. Regulation time has run out- we’re playing innuendo time at the end of the meeting, time when the meeting was delayed by gratuitous innuendo from the players.
    


32. Some people are putting on their coats- they think it’s all over- (we scoff the last of the Confectionery)- it is now! We vote to close before anyone produces anything else to eat, and head in the direction of a (hopefully very small) supper. F: 2 A:1 Abs:2. Meeting closed. Victory for the forces of Pooh!
    

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