Minutes of the Elevenses Meeting of the Pembroke College Winnie-the-Pooh Society

Held on Saturday 27th November in Alicia’s Room, Jesus.

Present: Alicia, Will, James, Ed, Ignatius, Bazil, Steve Shenton (A Sheila-ite), Simeon Bird (another), Roseanna, Annie, Simon, Jack.

1. Carol sends us a text missage, in which she apologises for her absence, which is due to a Maths textbook with Piglet in it.
2. Simeon can’t swing both ways.
3. Simeon appears to be talking science. It ended with comments about sexuality and Arnold Schwarzenegger.
4. Visitors can vote. 6-0-0-1 (Simeon Bird’s beard).
5. Mandate visitors to vote. 6-0-2-0.
6. Santa Claus is no match for a cherry. 9-1-1-1 (he belongs to Trinity and he votes in the Union).
7. Enter Simon.
8. Censure for non-Pooh-related discussion. 6-3-2-0.
9. Maths seems to be being pitted against God.
10. Chaos.
11. What function was the spoon? 1-1-7-2 (Nobody expects the Koshi distribution;  *Simeon’s spoil*).
12. Commend the person who brought the chocolate cupcakes. 5-0-5-1 (All hail the glorious President).
13. Simeon’s aleph is degenerate.
14. Wouldn’t it be funny if student societies ran the world and governments sat around drinking tea? 10-0-1-0.
15. Simeon said “awesome”, not “funny”. 3-6-1-1 (Simeon said whatever we choose to write down he says).
16. Minutes of the previous meeting.
17. I had a mildly dyslexic moment and read it as “something –or-other sexy”. 7-1-2-2 (something sexual, perhaps; intertextuality).
18. I wasn’t saying that Bazil was a gay scientist. 5-3-3-0.
19. No, I’m Spartacus. 3-1-2-5 (will the real Spartacus please stand up, please stand up, please stand up; I am Spartacus and so’s my wife; your mum’s Spartacus; your mum’s bum’s Spartacus; how can tea be both Polish and Indian?).
20. Commend Ignatius for pulling an awesome face. 9-0-1-0.
21. Some people are wimps about the sour sweets.
22. Mandate Roseanna to appear before the Hague for war crimes. 6-3-1-2 (such conviction will leave a sour taste in the mouth; you’re wimps).
23. You know you ended up with bits of your mouth bleeding due to sucking. 5-2-3-1 (AT NO POINT WAS THERE BLEEDING).
24. Illud quod illa/ea dixit.
25. Annie looks like a priestess of the Sybilline.
26. Biggles is better than Pooh. 4-6-0-1 (I now declare this meeting of the Jesus College Biggles Society open).
27. We read NT I.
28. Enter Jack.
29. Censure Sheila for non-Pooh-related discussion. 6-5-0-0.
30. Will is worrying the secretary (and being suspect).
31. Quick! Quick! Quick! Make the spoon wet!
32. Linguists should create a super-language (apparently).
33. Risk.
34. Will is changing.
35. Mongolia, it’s like Puerto Rico.
36. Assassins chatter.
37. Something is a pun, in Sweedish. [I take no responsibility for the secretary’s inability to spell].
38. Truly, the benefits of hats are multitudinous and sufficiently enunciated. 11-0-0-0 (unanimous).
39. Comend Will on a spectacular waist-coat. 9-0-2-1 (Bow-tie doesn’t match). [ditto].
40. Close the meeting. 9-1-0-0.

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