Held in U9.
Present: Jon, Vicky, Stephen, Ben, Charlie, Rob, Andrew, Alasdair, a friend of Jon's from Oxford called Jon, and a friend of Rob's called Tino. A diplomatic embassy from the Sheila and Her Dog Society (spit, spit) was led by Jon Skeet, High Queen and Second Lord of the Treasury.
Apologies: Tapani, Angela, Sarah, Cybille.

1. The Ambassador (spit) arrives, and gives us a little history of the SaHDS (spit, spit).
   


2. The obligatory Testaments joke is made.
   


3. The minutes of the last meeting are read by Ben.
   


4. Ben steals some milk for the tea - "Our need is greater than theirs."
   


5. Alasdair arrives, and decides to pay. We now have a massive nine members, and are almost out of the 'one member is a quorum' situation!
   


6. Motion: that Tino and Jon (the guest, not Jon, obviously - that would be silly) be allowed to vote for the duration of the meeting. F/3, Ag./0, Abs./3, motion carried.
   


7. Ben proposes a motion to censure Jon's grammar in the last minutes: F/3, Ag/4, Abs/3, foiled again!
   


8. Ben has technically fulfilled his penance, in that he has a flyer for the Network Card, which he claims is identifiably from the station as required. However, he then admits he got it from the Porter's Lodge, so there is argument about whether it still counts.
   


9. The minutes of the other two meetings that Ben held, with Jon and Andrew respectively, are read. This will allow us to proceed with the trial, but on the downside, it is noted that Andrew is not wearing the fluorescent orange tutu required of him by motion of the last meeting. We inform him that this will not be tolerated again.
   


10. There is debate about whether 3 Fors and 3 Abstentions means a motion is carried or not. Jon says yes, because we're not using Proportional Representation, and is then showered with Lib Dem jokes. Bastards.
    


11. Vicky tells Ben to piss off.
    


12. Motion that Ben, despite having voted it out by himself, shall not be allowed to say "Bahnhof" in meetings: F/8, Ag./0, Abs./1, motion carried.
    


13. Motion that Charlie be mandated to cut the cake: F/7. Ag./1, Abs./1, motion carried.
    


14. We begin the trial. Jon dons his gown (dons! Get it? Dons - oh never mind) and Ben enrobes himself in the judicial dressing gown. Ben selects a jar of hunny to use as the gavel, and puts on background music. Since he has voted himself the right to dictate the trial proceedings this is perfectly in order.
    


15. High Queen Jon Skeet agrees to act in Tapani's defence.
    


16. Jon speaks for the prosecution: he asks the jury if they have ever seen the man in the dock before at any meeting? The answer is of course no, not least because Tapani isn't here.
    


17. John Skeet however neatly undercuts this by asking the jury if they've ever seen any of those present at a meeting before. Again, the answer is no - Jon regrets suggesting that the visitors be the jury.
    


18. Jon calls the first witness, Miss Vicky Jackson - she swears on the Testaments. Jon gets her to confirm that the notes have been going to Tapani's pigeonhole. John Skeet however gets her to admit the possibility that Tapani's pigeon-hole might in fact be a worm-hole in the space-time continuum, and so he may not be getting his mail on time.
    


19. Jon calls Rob to the stand.
    


20. Jon calls Ben to the stand. This creates confusion when there is an objection, as Ben is unsure whether he should have his gown on or off, or somewhere between the two...
    


21. Ben gives testimony to the effect that he had seen the accused on this very day, and that he had said he wouldn't be coming, and is in fact, in the witness's opinion, on a fast train to Bristol at this very moment. This creates some confusion, because, as Andrew points out, you can't travel direct to Bristol from Cambridge..
    


22. John Skeet calls, for the defence, Sandra Bullock - "How often?" (Jon) - "As often as possible!" (HQJS).
    


23. Sandra seems to elect to stand behind the Fifth Amendment - certainly, says Jon, she needs to stand behind something.
    


24. The counsels sum up, and Ben instructs the jury to find the accused guilty, as it's more fun.
    


25. The jury retires. During the interlude it is revealed that Andrew was absent last week (unapologisedly!) because he was trainspotting at Bletchley. He refuses to give details.
    


26. The jury returns: Tino has been elected Foreman. He pronounces the verdict: Tapani is found Guilty of failure to attend and Guilty of failure to apologise. However, the charge of failure to organise a Poohsticks Training Session is Not Proven.
    


27. While Ben considers the sentence, the mountain stream effects of his still-running tap are commented upon.
    


28. Rob apologises in advance for next week, because he'll be receiving a Queens' Scout Award.
    


29. Rob reads, "In Which Eeyore loses a Tail and Pooh Finds One." Rob insists that Piglet be played by James; the HQJS says he doesn't think Piglet's in it, but Ben says he can do a cameo.
    


30. Stephen turns the tap off - peace at last.
    


31. The phrase "A lick of hunny" is bandied about, why I simply can't imagine.
    


32. Pooh's alternate 'Yes-No' technique is noted down for several people's supervisions.
    


33. Rob alleges that Christopher Robin is wearing a dress - however, Vicky's eagle eyes detect the shorts in the picture.
    


34. "Winnie-the-Pooh came over all funny" - I refuse to repeat the joke Rob made about this.
    


35. Ben finally declares sentence. Tapani is to be exiled from remaining meetings this term, though he may attend as a guest; he is also to be stripped of his offices, and we must all glare at him when meeting him in a corridor. Elsewhere this is not compulsory, but in corridors, always. Jon is to inform Tapani of this and require his attendance to face the retrial on the Poohsticks charge.
    


36. The HQJS wants the SaHDS (spit, spit) to wear dressing gowns at our War Hall. This, we decide, is probably permissible if they wear gowns on top.
    


37. Vicky promises to embezzle Alasdair's membership.
    


38. The HQJS gives us a run-down on the structures of the SaHDS (s, s), including the Imperial I-Can't-Believe-It's-Not-Buttery. Oh dear oh dear.
    


39. We now nearly have enough minutes to make a full hour, HQJS points out. Jon likes this idea.
    


40. Jon refuses utterly to put in extra trivialities just to string out the minutes for this reason, however.
    


41. The HQJS attempts to encourage insurrection by inviting us along to Sheila (spit) meetings. We subvert this by mandating Ben to act as Temporary Foreign Secretary and go in our stead, as an Ambassador himself.
    


42. Vote to further postpone the EGM we should be having next week: F/5, Ag./0, Abs./4, motion carried.
    


43. Tino wishes to start a Nottingham branch. Jon checks the constitution and declares that he can form a chapter, and we vote to allow him to do this. Ben, as Temporary Foreign Secretary, will be in charge of relations with this. Votes are as follows: F/10, Ag./0, Abs./1; motion overwhelmingly carried.
    


44. Next week's meeting will be held in D12, acquiesces a reluctant Stephen.
    


45. Vote to close: F/7, Ag./2, Abs./1, motion carried. Jon is voted down for once, but only because he chose to be.
    

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