Held in O1, Whewells Court, Trinity at 8 p.m. on the 24/11/96

1. On entering, and announcement of my name, rank and number (I give nothing else, because this is war), I am told that I am a heretic and the name Poohsoc is greeted with the cries of "Ack! Away foul fiend..." Slightly unoriginal, but they had to do something in response to our spitting...
   


2. I learn that those present are:
   • Jon Skeet, High Queen and Second Lord of the Treasury
   • Martin
   • Hannah, High High King and honourary Alice.
   • Rebecca and Rhada oh what a nice name from Magdalene.
   • Holly from Newnham
   • Lynette The Lemming
   
   


3. Worryingly, Ben realises that there are two other assassins in the room that he recognises. Then he realises they're all dead, so sighs in relief.
   


4. Holly is sewing, and not taking part in the meeting.
   


5. Ben is given a copy of Jon's fabulous speech, with which he won lots of money. Well worth reading.
   


6. Hannah declares that Winnie the Pooh is wonderful. Perhaps there is room for negotiations.
   


7. Hannah claims to be growing up - it is generally considered to be a bad thing. The constitution of SaHDS (s,s) expressly forbids any grown up activity within meetings.
   


8. I should at this point remark that Jon is wearing a dressing gown and hugging a teddy. Nobody else is - a possible lack of dedication within Sheila. This is confirmed by the fact that most of the thrones are empty.
   


9. Debate gets personal. When asked why not many people are at meetings, High Queen replies that they were really busy people with lives. Ben decides not to respond, considering there's only one of him......
   


10. There follows a long conversation about finances of the society. Ben looks bored.
    


11. Sheila is announced to be very dead. This is a shame, but then again, so is Christopher Robin. Ben wonders about Sheila's dog, and then remembers Pembroke Formal Hall the other night...
    


12. Ben encourages people to desert to Poohsoc. Some interest is expressed, notably from Jon Skeet. They want to know if the society is open to non-Pembrokians. I say I'll check the constitution- I'm sure we can get round it somehow- affiliated members?
    


13. Jon plugs University Challenge gratuitously. Someone or other he knows is in it.
    


14. Charges for Sheila are steep- £3 a year, £5 life, and £6 hereditary. Ben feels hereditary membership is silly, but it is pointed out that Ian and Jane might use it. Ben nods like he understands...
    


15. Hannah repeats get a life comment. She thinks Ben is a CompSci. Ben fingers water pistol in pocket, but refrains.
    


16. The reading is about to commence. It is Winnie the Pooh, fortunately. Ben approves. It is to be from the Old Testament, Chapter 6, the one with Eeyore's birthday in.
    


17. It is then revealed that SaHDS (s,s) is a dictatorship. They do not take votes. This, I feel, is an irreconcilable difference.
    


18. Jon arbitrarily assigns who is to read what part in the reading. Hannah overrules him. Good to see the system working well...
    


19. Ben is allowed to read chapter headings. Bastards...
    


20. It is apparently customary in SaHDS to enact pictures as well as reading stories. This is tragically sad, and way over the top. Generally a bad idea.
    


21. It gets worse. If somebody reads the wrong line, or swears, they must take back what they say. Literally. For example, if somebody says. "Eeyore was a right bastard," they must say, "Dratsab thgir a saw eroyee," to correct the error. Irreconcilable differences again, I feel.
    


22. Eeyore is given a Gestapo voice from Jon- "Ve have vays of making you play poohsticks".
    


23. On appeal, Eeyore is now made to sound very camp.
    


24. Hannah declares that Pooh is always erotic- you just have to think of it the right way. General bafflement.
    


25. Muppet version of Cottleston Pie is played at appropriate place in the story. Sound effects would be a good idea.
    


26. Eeyore now becomes Julian Clary.
    


27. There is an inconsistency in WTP- something to do with the confusion about the signs on Rabbit's door. This needs thorough investigation.
    


28. Jon starts fondling Holly. Ben begins to think it's THAT kind of society.
    


29. A copy of Bride Magazine is produced- Jon claims to have it to wind people up. Ben looks even more worried.
    


30. No-one in the SaHDS knows left from right. No less than expected, really.
    


31. There are lots of nice dresses in the magazine. All the women in the room start talking about them. Surely this is unconstitutional?
    


32. As Julian Clary reading continues, everyone is amused by the bit when Eeyore is having a great time putting his balloon in and out of his pot in quick succession.
    


33. The reading concludes. Tea, coffee, lemonade, mineral water, orange squash and COCOA are offered. Ben abstains as everyone asks for cocoa, which, quite frankly, is not a Pooh-like drink.
    


34. There are crumpets - buttered! 12 for the price of 8 at 39p!
    


35. There is an exceptionally long discussion about theatre. Everybody but Ben seems to be a luvvy.
    


36. I have now concluded that Jon and Holly are the ones that are getting married. This is confirmed by the fact that they decide on green for the bridesmaids. Hannah is permitted to be a bridesmaid.
    


37. The crumpets are char-grilled by Jon's oven in his overly big room.
    


38. There is a lot more wedding talk. The constitution of the society is forgotten, seemingly.
    


39. Jon decides on a conventional wedding. Holly consents, though it probably wouldn't matter...
    


40. The two Magdalene girls speak in unison. I think they are in fact Siamese twins.
    


41. Martin dips crumpet in cocoa to general abhorrence.
    


42. Ben gets put on Sheila mailing list - more infiltration in this table-edge game of inter-society war.
    


43. Ben then tries again to convert people to the only true childrens' story society. Several succumb, and give him their e-mail addresses...
    


44. SaHDS has a homepage- its URL is .
    


45. The meeting deteriorates into general computer talk. Ben is now even more lost...
    


46. Simon enters and drags people upstairs to play Worms (?).
    


47. Meeting is closed. No place for next meeting set. Hopeless inefficiency. The society is on its last legs.
    

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